Khushgawar Azdawaji Zindagi In Urdu Islam


Achi Zindagi Guzarne Ke Usool

Duniya mein koi bhi aisa misali ghar mojood nahin jis mein koi oonch neech aur tu takaar na ho, bulkay wahan da'emi sukoon ho jis ghar mein koi masla nahin, tu takar nahin wahan koi fard kuch chupa raha hai ta'hum khushgawar gharelu zindagi khud ba khud nahin ho jati iss kay liye baqaida shaoori koshish aur planning karni hogi. Khud ba khud to kharabi bhi nahin hoti, iss kay liye bhi kuch karna parta hai. Gharelu zindagi ki khushgawari ka ta'alluq donon mian biwi kay sath hai ek fard ki koshish sey ku tabdeeli nahin aati kyun kay kitaab khawateen kay liye likhi gaee hai le'haza iss mein inn baton ka zikr kya gaya hai jin per amal kar kay biwi gharelu zindagi ko khushgawar bananey kay liye aham kirdaar ada kar sakti hai.



Tehqeeq sey ma'aloom hua hai kay mard aur aurat romance ki bhooki hoti hai mard aurat ko uss waqt zyada mohabbat deta hai jab usey milti hai le'haza zyada sey zyada mohabbat hasil karney kay liye mian ko zyada sey zyada dein kabhi inkaar na karein. Jinsi inkaar mard ki khuddaari kay liye bohut bari chot aur sadma hai jab mard ko jinsi tor per mustarid kar diya jata hai to woh samajhta hai kay usey shakhsi tor per mustarid kardiya gaya jab khawand ko bar bar mustarid kar diya jata hai to uss  kay jinsi jazbaat sard parr jatey hain aap khawand ko yeh ta'assur dein kay aap ko uss key sath bohut pasand hai yeh ta'assur kabhi na dein kay aap kay liye nafrat angaez aur makrooh hai. Humarey haan amooman biwi khawand ko iss tarah deti hai jaisey bohut bara ehsaan kar rahi ho aur khud usey ki zaroorat nahin bar bar ki research sey sabit ho chuka hai kay aurat ko bhi mard ki tarah ki zaroorat hai farq sirf yeh hai kay mard kay liye foran tayyar ho jata hai jab kay aurat ko kam az kam aadha ghanta chahiyie. Mukhtalif tehqeeqaat sey yeh baat bhi saamney aaee hai kay shaadi kay masail mein sab sey bari wajah hai yani jab mard ko hasb e zaroorat nahin milti to uss kay dil mein biwi kay liye mohabbat kay jazbaat khatam ho jatey hain aur ghar mein laraee jhagrey shuru ho jatey hain. sey muraad humesha mubashrat nahin hai bulkay jinsi taskeen kay mutabadil tariqey bhi istaemaal kiye ja saktey hain jinsi mahireen ka kahayl hai kay agar aap khawand ko zyada deingi to woh aap ko zyada mohabbat dey ga. Mardon mein shaadi kay ba'ad najaez ta'alluqaat ki bari wajah ghar mein jinsi naa aasoodgi hai ba'az auqaat jorey ko ta'alluqaat ki kharabi ka masla hota hai iss surat mein masley per tawajjuh markooz karney ki bajaey per zyada tawajjuh di jaey to bharpoor jinsi lutf ki wajah sey masley ko hal karna aasaan ho jata hai.



Islam mein khawand ko ghar ka sarbaraah muqarrar kya gaya hai jo biwi ki hifazat aur kifalat ka zimm e daar hai woh apney khandaan ko har sahoolat faraham karney kay liye bharpoor koshish karta hai iss kay liye din raat ek kar deta hai le'haza khandaan kay har fard ki zimm e daari hai kay woh usey sarbaraah jaisa ahetraam dey.  le'haza biwi kay zehen mein yah baat humesha rehni chahiyie kay uss ka khawand khaandaan ka sarbaraah hai aur biwi ka ravayya uss kay sath aisa ho jaisa sarbaraah kay sath hota hai. Khawand kay walaeden ko saas susar ki bajaey sarbaraah kay walaeden samjhein aur unn kay sath wahi sulook karein jo sarbaraah kay walaeden kay sath hona chahiyie yani izzat aur ahetraam ka ravayya. Agar biwi sirf isi ek cheez ko madd e nazar rakhey to ghar laraee jhagrey sey mehfooz rahey ga. Jadeed mahireen bhi yehi kehtey hain kay biwi apney khawand sey baadshah jaisa sulook karey to woh bhi usey malika jaisa ahetraam aur darja dey ga.
Aurton ko mardon sey tawaqqa hoti hai kay woh unhi kay andaaz mein sochein woh unn kay jazbaat ko usi andaaz mein sochein jaisey woh mehsoos karti hain aurtein mardon ko badalney ki koshish karti hain jab kay khushgawar azdawaji zindagi kay liye ek doosrey ko badalney ki bajaey samajhna zaroori hota hai. Donon ko ek jaisa paeda nahin kya gaya albatta ek doosrey kay liye paeda kya gaya hai.
  Mard aur aurat mein sab sey bara farq yeh hai kay donon apney din bhar ki thakan mukhtalif andaz sey duur kartey hain mard jab thak kar choor hota hai to uss waqt woh har qism ki pareshani sey duuri ikhtiyar kar leta hai. Din bhar kay masa'el aur kaamo'n ko zehen sey nikalney kay liye woh kisi akhbaar ya magazine kay muta'alley ka sahara leta hai, apney zehen ko doosri taraf ley jata hai, khamosh rehta hai chuna'ncha iss doran biwi ko usey disturb nahin karna chahiyie uski khamoshi ko nahin torna chahiyie Mard jab pareshan hota hai yah kisi uljhan ka shikar hota hai uss waqt woh apney masa'el ka zikr kisi sey nahin karta, apni pareshani kisi per zahir nahin karta aur apney aap ko apni zaat kay khol mein qaed kar leta hai aur khamoshi ikhtiyar kar leta hai. Woh khamoshi sey apney masley ka hull talash karta hai woh apni khamoshi mein biwi bulkay kisi bhi fard ki dakhal andaazi pasand nahin karta darasal mard apney masa'el ko khud hull karna chahta hai akeley uss ka muqabla karna chahta hai. Jab usey masley ka hull mil jata hai to woh pursukoon ho jata hai aur woh apney khol sey baher aa jata hai agar woh apney masley ka hull dhoondney mein naakaam rahey tab woh apney khol mein bund rehta hai apney masley ko bhoolney kay liye akhbaar parhta rehta hai, TV dekhta hai, khelon mein dilachaspi leta hai, iss doran mein woh apni biwi pey tawajjah nahin dey pata. Aurat ki khwahish hoti hai kay khawand apney masa'el per uss kay sath khul kar baat karey kyun kay aurat apney masa'el per khul kay guftugoo kar kay pursukoon ho jati hai jab kay mard apney masley ka hull talash kar kay sukoon hasil karta hai. Chuna'ncha iss doran aurat ko pursukoon rehna chahiyie woh mard per bey jaa tanqeed na karey usey mashwara deney ki koshish na karey mard ko yeh baat sukht na pasand hai kay usey aqal dii jaey le'haza apney tor per khawand ko zyada samjhaney aur aqal deney ki koshish na karein amooman aurat jab khawand ko ghaer zaroori tajaweez aur mashwarey ya madad deti hai to woh apney aap ko mian sey duur karleti hai mard ko ghaer zaroori mashwarey aur hamdardi sey chirr hai chuna'ncha iss khamoshi kay doran usey mashwara na dein, aap ko tawajja na deney per tunz na karein. Uss kay jazbat kay muta'alliq zyada sawalaat na karein, uss kay barey mein pareshani ya afsos ka izhaar na karein uss waqt usey sirf khamoshi, mohabbat, hosla afzaee aur bharosey ki zaroorat hai usko masley ko hal karney ki salahiyat per bharosey ki zaroorat hai aurat sirf uss waqt boley jab mard khus uss sey madad maangey.
Aurat apney masail ka tafseeli zikr kar kay sukoon hasil karti hai lekin jab aurat apney masa'el ka zikr karti hai to mard amooman apney aap ko inn masail ka zimm-e-daar samajhta hai, nateejatan woh masa'el nahin sunna chahta jis sey aurat disturb ho jati hai chuna'ncha aurat mard ko yaqeen dilaey kay uss kay inn masa'el ka zimm e daar woh nahin aur na hi uska maqsad tanqeed karna hai albatta jab woh uski mushkilaat ko sum ley ga to woh pursukoon ho jaey gi. Yeh sun kar mard aasani sey guftugoo sunney kay liye tayyar ho jata hai mard ki fitrat hai kay woh zyada baatein nahin karta agar woh baatein karey to zaroori hai kay biwi uski baton ko tokey baghaer suney, uski haan mein haan milaey, foran ikhtilaaf zahir na karey bulkay uss kay bolney ki hosla afzaee karey to woh biwi ko bohut pasand karey ga uski taraf khincha chala aaey ga.


Mard fitri tor per daad chahta hai jab aurat iss baat ka izhaar karti hai kay mard ki koshishon sey usey faeda pohoncha hai iss waqt mard ko lagta hai kay usey daad di gaee hai to woh biwi kay aur qareeb aa jata hai jab ek aurat mard kay shoq aur uski tarjeehaat ko pasand karti hai uss waqt woh isey apni madah siraee mehsoos karta hai. Khaas tor per jab woh uski khoobiyon per haeraani ka izhar karti hai mard ki inn khoobiyon mein bohut si khoobiyan shamil ho sakti hain maslan mazaq ki hiss, quwwat e iradi, mehnat, himmat, mohabbat, hamdardi, eemaandaari, romaniyat, naeki, aur mizaj aashnaee waghaera. Jab ek mard ko saraha jata  hai iss waqt uss mein biwi ko har kisi per tarjeeh deney ki aadat parr jati hai, aurat ko tahaffuz aur mard ko hosla afzaee ki zaroorat hoti hai, biwi ko khawand ki khoobiyon ko barha charha kar beyan karna chahiyie.
Khawand ko apney qareeb karney ka aasaan tariqa hai kay woh jaisa bhi hai usey waisa hi qabool kar liya jaey, usey tabdeel karney ki koshiah na karein, jab aap qabool kar leingi to phir woh khud hi apney aap ko tabdeel karney ki koshish karey ga.
Ghussey mein inssan ki khoobiyon ko ghunn lag jata hai le'haza ghussey ki haalat mein guftugoo karna munasib nahin baat karein gi ti tulkhi mein izaafa hoga iss ka behetreen hal yeh hai kay aap mian ko ek khat likhein aur apney jazbaat ka izhar karein waisey bhi khat mein aap apney jazbaat ka behter izhaar kar sakein gi iss khat sey aap pursukoon ho jaein gi aur khawand bhi aap kay jazbaat sey aagah ho jaey ga aur tulkhi mein bhi izaafa na hoga.
Fitri tor per mard ko biwi ki narazzgi aur uss kay hukum chalaney sey sukht nafrat hai iss mein uss kay dil mein aurat ki mohabbat kam ho jati hai aur woh uss sey duur ho jata hai le'haza iss sey bacha jaey.
Aurat ko ghuma phira kar baat karney ki aadat hai jis ki wajah sey aksar mard biwi ki asal baat samajhney sey qasir rehtey hain jis sey tulkhi paeda hoti hai le'haza aap do tok baat karein mard ko do tok baat pasand hai maslan 'bachon ko skool sey lana hai aur mein la nahin sakti' ki bajaey kahein kay 'kya aap bachon ko skool sey ley aaein gey?' ya 'soda salf gari mein para hai' kehney ki bajaey kahein kay' kya aap gaari sey soda salf utha laein gey?' isi tarah 'merey paas raat ka khana pakaney ka waqt nahin' ki bajaey kahein 'kya aap humein khan akhilaney ley ja saktey hain?' waghaera.
Agar aap mard sey madad tulb karti hain aur woh mana kar deta hai (mumkin hai iss ki koi ma'aqool wajah ho) magar aap iss inkaar kay bawajood usey khush dili sey qabool kar leti hain to woh aap ki mohabbat ko yaad rakhta hai aur agli martaba aap kay sath mohabbat sey paesh aaey ga. Iss kay baad jaisey hi uss sey madad maangein gi to dil khol kar aap ki zaroorat ko poora karey ga uska ravayya lachak daar ho jaey ga, iss tarah ek sehat mund rishtey ki bunyaad parey gi. Agar aap inkaar per ghussey aur tulkhi ka izhaar karein gi to woh aaenda bhi inkaar kar dega. Maangney ka sawal mukhtasir, saada aur aasaan ho agar mard ko tafseel janney ki zaroorat ho gi tab woh khud hi aap sey sawaalaat kar ley ga.
Mard sey madad hasil karney ka ek aur mu'asser tariqa yeh hai kay aap uss sey madad maangein aur phir khamoshi sey intezaar karein kisi qism ki tanqeed na karein khamoshi ek taaqat hai agar aap khamoshi khatam kar deingi to aap ki taaqat bhi khatam ho jaegi le'haza madad maangney kay ba'ad khamosh rahein, mard ko sochney ka moqa dein intezaar karein ta'hum sawal kartey waqt 'naa' sunney ka hosla bhi paeda karein. 'naa' per pur sukoon rahein iss mein agli baar mian kay liye 'naa' kehna mushkil ho jaey ga aur jab woh madad ka sawal poora kardey to tehseen karein to woh dobara bhi karey ga.
Mard ko bunyadi tor per bharosey, qabooliyat, qadar shanasi, ta'areef, pasandeedgi, tayed aur hosla afzaee ki zaroorat hai  jab kay aurat ko tawajjuh/parwah, mizaj aashnaee, izzat o ahetram, ja'nisari/qurbani, tauseeq aur yaqeen dahaani ki zaroorat hai.
Har mard kay dil ki gehraiyo'n mein yeh khwahish kahin na kahin chupi hoti hai kay aurat ki zindagi mein uski haisiyat ek hero ki ho le'haza usey apna fan bananey kay liye usey yeh haisiyiat dein.
Aurton mein amooman yeh baat paee jati hai kay woh mard ki woh baatein yaad rakhein gi jo iss ne biwi kay liye nahin kiin woh iss ka izhar karti hain jis se tulkhi paeda hoti hai aur unn baton ko yaad nahin rakhti jo khawand ney uss kay liye ki hoti hain le'haza uska dil jeetney kay liye mian ki unn baton ko yaad rakhein jo uss ney aap kay liye kii hain unn ka khuley aam aetraaf karein to aap ko doosri cheezein bhi mil jaeingi.
Apney saathi per chaa janey ki koshish na karein yeh cheez mard ko bey hudd na pasand hai waisey bhi agar aap isey apna ghulam bana lein to aap bhi ghulam ki biwi kehlaein gi
Apni zindagi mein sab sey zyada haisiyat aur ahmiyat apney khawand ko dein maekey aur susraal sey bhi zyada, hutta kay bachey bhi doosrey number per aaein, mian kay khilaf koi baat na sunein khusoosan manfi aur takleef deh baat, bulkay logon kay samney mian ki mudafe'at karein uski safaee paesh karein.
Mian kay khilaf khud bhi koi baat na karein, khusoosan logon kay samney, khawand kay sath aap ka ravayya bohut hi shaesta ho, aeb joee na karein, uss per tanqeed na karein, uski tauheen na karein, shaestagi aur khush khalqi ka ravayya apnaein. Allah kay nabi ney uss insan ko behetreen qaraar diya hai jis ka khulq acha hai.  tursh roee, tulkh kalami, hungama aaraee, jhagraloo pan mohanbbat ko bhasam karney wali shaetaani chaalein hain ek baat zehen mein rakhein log humesha uss fard ko bura samajhtey hain jo ghaer shaesta, tursh, tulkh kalaam, bud akhlaq aur nukta cheeni karney wala ho aur unko uss shakhs sey hamdardi hoti hai jis kay sath kharab ravayya ikhtiyar kya gaya ho.
Biwi ko humesha shohar ki pasand aur naa pasand ka khayal rakhna chahiyie. Khusoosan khaney mein usey kya pasand hai aur kya naa pasand. Uski pasand kay mutabiq apney aap ko purkashish banaein subah kaam per jatey waqt mian ko darwazey tak chorney aaein. Ju'nhi mian shaam ko ghar aaey to saarey kam chor kar darwazey per aaein muskurahat sey uska istaqbaal karein uss kay hath mein koi cheez ho to pakar lein. Behter hay kay aap uss waqt achey libas mein hun yani purkashish aur har buu sey paak hun usey kuch der tanhayee mein aaraam karney dein mian aap ko dil sey chahey ga aur aapki qadar karey ga.
Ek research sey ma'aloom hua kay khushgawar shaadi mein mian biwi ek doosrey kay barey mein zyada ma'aloomaat rakhtey hain aap bhi mian kay barey mein zyada se zyada ma'aloomaat hasil karein. Usey kya pasand hai aur kya naa pasand, uss kay dost kon hain aur kin logon ko woh naa pasand karta hai, usey kis tarah ki kutub pasand hain, konsey khel achey lagtey hain, uska mashghala kya hai waghaera.
Khawand ko ma'aloom hona chahiyie kay uski konsi cheez aap ko sab sey zyada pareshan karti hai. Ilzam na dein, tanqeed na karein bulkay pyar aur achey andaz sey bataein. Isi tarah biwi ko bhi ma'aloom hona chahiyie kay uski konsi cheez khawand ko pareshan karti hai  Agar khawand kisi wajah sey pareshan hai to uss sey poochein kya woh aapki wajah sey pareshan hai, phir uska tadaruk karein. Aksar auqaat humein ilm nahin hota kay humari konsi cheez doosron ko pareshan karti hai. Agar ilm ho jaey to phir hum uss sey bachney ki koshish kartey hain agar woh aapki wajah sey pareshan nahin to aap pursrkoon ho jaeingi aur ghar ka mahol behter hoga iska ek tareeqa yeh hai kay donon mian biwi ek ek list banaein jin mein unn cheezon ka zikr ho jo ek ko doosrey ki pasand nahin. Nehayat pur sukoon ho kar unka muta'alla karein agarcha yeh ek mushkil kam hai phir inn lists ko ghar kay sehan mein dafan kardein. Ab unn achi cheezon ki fehrist banaein jo aap ek doosrey mein talash kar saktey hain chahey woh kitni hi ma'amooli kyun na hun. Do lists banaein her ek mein aisi cheezein shamil karein jo aap ko doosrey ki pasand hain inko frame karkay bedroom mein latkaein aur rozana ek baar parhein.
Mard fitri tor per tehseen, qadar shanaasi aur qadar daani chahta hai jab kay aurat tawajjah aur mohabbat chahti hai chuna'ncha mian ki tehseen kay liye mawaqa'e talash karein woh ghar kay liye koi cheez laey to uski tehseem karein mian ko bataein key uski wajah sey aap ko kitni sahoolatein mayasser hain. Uski wajah sey aap kitney logon sey behter hain, gahey gahey uski koshishon kay liye uski hosla afzaee aur tehseen karein jo woh khaandaan ki behetri kay liye kar raha hai. Baher khana khilaya to iss kay liye usey sarahein jab aap sarahney ki bajaey har waqt masa'el ka zikr karein gi to khawand mehsoos karey ga kay woh aap kay liye kuch nahin kar raha, phir woh bujh jata hai jab aurat choti choti baton kay liye khawand ko batati hai kay woh ek azeem insaan hai to phir woh choti choti cheezein karna jari rakhta hai aur woh mazeed acha banney ki koshish karta hai magar biwi ki madad kay baghaer (tehseen kay baghaer) woh la'shaoori tor per choti choti cheezein karni chor dega phir woh sari tawajjah paisa kamaney aur acha kafeel banney ki taraf mabzool kar dey ga le'haza jab woh aap kay liye choti choti cheezein karey to aap uski tehseen karein usey sarahein. Jab uski khidmaat ko saraha nahin jata to uss mein zyada deney ka jazba khatam ho jata hai agar aap ko zyada leney ki tamanna hai to aap khawand ki khidmaat ko zyada sarahein zyada hosla afzaee karein aur zyada tawajjuh aur mohabbat hasil karein.
Mard ko iss baat sey nafrat hai kay woh ghalti per hai. Mard kay liye sorry kehna bohut mushkil hai, ghalti ka aetraaf karna mushkil hai le'haza aap aisi guftugoo na karein jis sey mard ko ehsaas ho kay woh ghalti per hai usey ghalat sabit karney ki koshish na karein. Yeh bhi na kahein kay koi ghalat kaam karney ki wajah se woh ek bura insaan hai bulkay iss tarah kahein kay jab woh ghalat kaam karta hai to aap udaas aur khauf zada ho jati hain aap ko dukh aur takleef pohonchi hai phir woh dukh deney wala kaam karna chor dega.


1500 shaadi shuda jorron ki ek research sey ma'aloom hua kay mardon ko aurton sey sab sey barri shikayat yeh hai kay woh bolti bohut zyada hain aur sunti nahin ek aur research sey yeh baat samney aaee hai kay mard aur aurat mizaj kay le'haz sey bilkul mukhtalif hain. Auret fitri tor per bol kar apney jazbaat ka izhar karna chahti hai jab kay mard ko aurat ka bohut zyada bolna pasand nahin ba'az mahireen ney iss silsiley mein yeh tajweez di hai kay khawand kay ghar aaney sey pehley apney behen bhaiyon aur saheliyon sey batein kar kay apna kota poora kar lein taa'kay phir unhein mian kay sath zyada baatein karney ki khwahish na ho. Mard ki tawajjah hasil karney ka behter tareeqa yeh hai kay aap guftugoo kay liye usey tayyar karein usey bataein kay usko sirf sunna hai uss ko masley ko hal nahin karna sirf sunna hai, usey bolney ki zaroorat nahin agar bolna chahey to bol sakta hai na bolney ki surat mein usey bolney kay liye sochna nahi parey ga kay kya bolna hai. Iss sey woh relax hoga aur aap ki baatein sunn lega ta'hum mian ko wazeh tor per bataein kay aap kya chahti hain usey bataein kay usey kuch kehney ki zaroorat nahin.
Mard fitri tor per kam bolta hai khusoosan jab usey koi masla darpaesh ho to woh bolna nahin chahta chuna'ncha agar khawand baat na karna chahey to usko baat karney per majboor na karein iss surat mein na sirf uss sey sawalaat na poochein bulkay agar woh baat karney per aamaada bhi ho jaey to bhi guftugoo ko multawi kar dein woh zyada pur sukoon hoga.
Agar mard ghussey mein ho to biwi ko chahiyie kay woh usko moqa sey kay woh so jaey aap intezar karein hutta kay woh kuch pur sukoon ho jaey phir yeh poochein kay kya cheez usey pareshan kar rahi hai.
Kabhi aisa nahin ho sakta kay mian biwi mein ranjish na ho agar ho jaey to jhagrey ko tool deney sey bachney kay liye fareeqaen waqti tor per alag ho jaein, laraee mein waqfa kar lein aap laraee ki jagah sey duur chali jaein thori der mein donon ka ghussa kum ho jaey ga.
Agar kabhi mian ghussey mein cheekhey to aap jawab na dein jawab deingi to jhagra ghanton chaley ga, agar aap khamosh ho jaein gi to mian do minute sey zyada musalsal akela nahin bol sakey ga thak kar chup ho jaey ga.
Agar aap ko mian ki kisi baat per ghussa hai to uska bila waasta izhar na karein iss sey ta'alluqaat mein kharaabi paeda hogi.
Dunya mein koi bhi insaan kamil nahin aap ka khawand bhi nahin. Har insaan ki tarah uss mein 10 khoobiyan aur 10 khamiyan hain khawand ko inn khoobiyon aur khamiyon samaet qabool kar lein. Kyun kay koi doosra bhi kamil nahin hoga. Khawand ki khamiyon ki bajaey uski khoobiyon per nazar rakehin uski khoobiyan talash karein chahey woh ma'amooli hun iss mushq ki madad sey uski khoobiyon ko zyada pur kashish banaein.
Aurat ki izzat uska khawand hai agar uss mein koi bhi khoobi nahin to phir usey chorney ka socha ja sakta hai dekha gaya hai jo aurtein kisi wajah sey mian sey alaehdgi ikhtiyar kar leti hain unki dobara shaadi hona bohut mushkil hoti hai humarey haan to pehli shaadi bhi mushkil sey hoti hai (MA pass larkiyon kay shohar matric pass hain) aisi badnaseeb aurton ki haisiyat ek do saal mein apney maekey mein nokron sey budter ho jati hai. Phir inn bachiyon ko apna wahi bura bhala ghar yaad aata hai aur pachtati hain iss waqt bohut der ho gaee hoti hai. Mein aisey crorepati logon sey aagah hun jinhon ney  amarat kay raub mein beti ko talaq dilwa kar doosri jagah shaadi ki magar woh bhi kaamyaab na ho saki aur phir talaq ho gaee.
Donon mian biwi ek ek kaghaz lein iss per ek doosrey ki teen khoobiyan/ khusoosiyaat likhein maslan mujhey aap ka tahammul aur burdbaari pasand hai waghaera phir kaghaz badal lein yeh dil jeetney ka ek mu'asser tareeqa hai.
Logon kay samney apney mian ki ta'areef karein mian ka dil jeetney ka yeh ek mu'asser tariqa hai. Yeh alaehdgi mein ta'areef karney sey 3 guna zyada mu'asser hai. Ta'areef mein mubaaligha karein iss surat mein khawand apney aap ko mazeed behter bananey ki koshish karey ga.
Jab mard aurat ko kisi dukh dard mein dekhta hai amooman apney aap ko iss ka zimm e daar samajhta hai phir usko ghussa aata hai iss masley ka hull yeh hai jab aap pareshan hun to khawand ko theek theek bataein kay aap kya chahti hain jab aap kay khawand ko ilm ho gaya key woh aap kay liye kya kar sakta hai to woh amooman khushi sey karey ga, maslan aap keh sakti hain kay mein kisi wajah sey pareshaan hun, soney sey pehley aap sey baat karna chahti hun mujhey ilm hai kay aap thakey huey hain, mein sirf 5 minute lungi aap sunn leingey, hosla deingey to mein pursukoon ho jaungi ta'hum apni pareshani mein mubaaligha na karein kyun kay khawand waisa hi samajh ley ga aur zyada pareshan ho ga. Khawand kay ghar aatey hi masa'el ko na cherein bulkay uss waqt cherein jab woh kuch aaraam kar kay pursukoon ho chuka ho.
Jab mard koi baat kar raha ho, apney aap ko beyan kar raha ho to aap madaakhlat na karein, baghaer madakhlat kay uski baat sunney ki koshish karein kay jo kuch woh kehna chahta hai keh ley. Khawand ko suntey waqt usko chuna, uss kay qareeb bethna, uska hath pakarna usey acha lagta hai, iss sey usey qurbat ka ehsaas hota hai.
Khawand ko waisa hi samajh kar sulook karein jaisa kay aap usey chahti hain kay woh ho. Burey ko bar bar acha keh kar usey acha banney ka moqa dein. Burey ko bura kaheingi to woh kabhi bhi acha banney ki koshish na karey ga. Aap samjhein key woh acha hai maslan usko ghussa bohut aata hai to usey bataein kay aap ko yeh dekh kar bohut khushi hai kay ab usey ghussa kam aata hai aur woh control kar leta hai bar bar kahein yaqeen karein kay phir woh aisa hi karey ga.
Apney susraal walon ko wahi izzat-o-ahetram dein jo aap apney walaeden kay liye apney mian sey mutawaqqa rakhti hain unko waqaee apney walaeden samjhein apney walaeden ki tarah unki karrwii baatein bardasht karein budkalaami na karein. Saas bhi apni bahoo kay sath wahi ravayya ikhtiyar karey jo woh apni beti kay liye chahti hai. Hazrat Muhammad ka irshad hai koi banda uss waqt tak momin nahin ho sakta jab tak woh apney bhaee kay liye wahi pasand na karey jo woh apney liye pasand karta hai.(bukhari) Allah aur uss kay rasool ney ta'an-o-tashnee karney walon ko sukht waeed ki basharat di hai le'haza saas ko chahiyie kay woh bahoo aur uss kay maekey walon ko ta'an-o-tashnee aur tamaskhur ka nishana na banaey.
Bahoo koshish karey kay uska khawand apney walaeden ka tabaedaar aur unka khayal rakhney wala beta baney kal uska apna beta bhi uska tabaedaar hoga kyun kay bachey apney walaeden ko role model banatey hain aur unn jaisa hi bantey hain. Jis tarah woh apney walid ko walaeden kay sath barta'u kartey dekhtey hain, barey ho kar woh la'shaoori tor per apney walaeden sey wahi sulook kartey hain le'haza saas susar kay liye nahin bulkay apney liye apney mian ko uss kay walaeden sey duur karney ki ghatya koshish na karein ta'kay kal aap ka apna beta aap ka tabaedaar beta baney yani susraal walon sey wahi sulook karein jo aap apney betey sey apney liye tawaqqa karti hain.
Maghrib mein gharelu jhagro'm aur talaq ki bari wajah aurat ka mulazimat karna hai job kartey huey aurat ko mardana kirdaar ada karna parrta hai kyun kay kaam per iss cheez ki zaroorat hoti hai kay woh mardana ravayya ikhtiyar karey jab woh ghar aati hai to usey zanana kirdaar ada karna hota hai, Ba'az auqaat woh in donon kay darmiyan tawazun paeda nahin kar sakti jis ki wajah sey ghar intishaar ka shikar ho jata hai waisey jab donon mian biwi mulazimat karein to donon ko ek tarah kay masa'el ka saamna hota hai. Iss surat mein koi sahara deney wala nahin hota ab ghar aa kar mian ko zyada sukoon-o-aaraam nahin milta jiski wajah sey woh biwi ko bharpoor tawajja aur mohabbat nahin dey pata, jab kay mulazimat paesha aurat ko ghar mein rehney wali aurat ki nisbat zyada tawajja ki zaroorat hoti hai. Jab biwi job karti hai aur paisey kamati hai to fitri tor per uska ravayya badal jata hai ab woh apney aap ko zyada khud mukhtar samajhti hai jis ki wajah sey amooman mian ko adjustment ka masla ho jata hai.
Ba'az auqaat biwi ko mian ki koi cheez maslan aadat pareshan karti hai kisi wajah sey mian ko nahin bata sakti ya mian iss ko nahin badal sakta aap uss ki ahmiyat kam kar kay pursukoon ho sakti hain iss kay liye yeh mushq karein yeh mushq bahoo saas kay liye aur saas bahoo kay liye bhi istaemaal kar sakti hai.
Zindagi ranjishon aur tuu takaar sey kabhi free nahin ho sakti ba'az auqaat guzrey huey naa pasandeeda waqeaat saalon ba'ad bhi insaan ko pareshan kartey hain inn naa pasandeeda waqeaat kay asraat ko aap aasani sey khatam kar sakti hain.
Ba'az auqaat mian biwi ya saas bahoo mein kisi baat per ikhtilaaf ho jata hai to phir tuu takaar hoti hai (behter to yehi hai kay ghar mein khushgawar mahol ko qayem rakhney kay liye ma'amooli ikhtilaf-e-ra'ey ko nazar andaz karein) iss surat e haal mein har fard apney nukta-e-nazar ko durust samajhta hai aur doosrey kay nukta e nazar ko samajhney ki koshish nahin karta. Ba'az auqaat humara nukta e nazar durust nahin hota magar humein ehsaas nahin hota agar hum iss ma'amley ko doosrey kay nukta-e-nazar sey dekhein to humein ehsaas hoga kay unn ka nukta-e-nazar bhi ghalat nahin doosrey kay nukta-e-nazar ko janney kay liye mandarja zael mushq sey faeda uthaya ja sakta hai.
Apney susraal walon kay dil jeetein yaqeen karein kay har insaan ka dil jeeta ja sakta hai apni saas susar sey isi tarah mohabbat kijiyie jaisey apney walaeden sey mohabbat karti hain inn mein dilchaspi lein uss ki khidmat kay liye har waqt tayyar rahein nihayat zinda dili aur josh-o-kharosh sey unki mizaj pursi karein. Inn mein sachey dil sey dilchaspi lein.
Aap kay chehrey pey muskuraahat ho saas sey muskuratey chehrey sey milein hans mukh banney ki koshish karein har waqt chehrey per muskurahat ho iss sey na sirf mian bulkay susraal kay sab hi log bohut khush hongey. Allah kay nabi ney muskurahat ko sadqa qaraar diya hai. Saas susar ko muskuratey huey salam karein, nukta cheeni aur aeb joee kay bajaey unki ta'aref-o-tehseen kijiyie. Apni zarooraton ka zikr chor dein bulkay doosron kay nukta-e-nazar ko samajhney ki koshish karein. Huns mukh insaan ko har jagah khush aamdeed kaha jata hai aaj sey taey karein aap ney Allah kay Rasool ki iss sunnat aur farmaan pey amal karna hai.
Saas susar ki baton mein dilchaspi lein jab woh baat kar rahey hun to poori tawajjah se inki baat ko sunein aisey sawalaat kijiyie jin ka jawab detey waqt unko khushi ho  Unhein apni zaat aur kaarnamo'n sey muta'alliq baatein karney per uksaaein yaad rakhein aap ka mukhatib aap kay masa'el ki nisbat apney masa'el, apni zarooriyat aur apni zaat mein hazar darja dilchaspi rakhta hai chuna'ncha unki baatein tawajjah sey sunein. Unhein unn kay apney muta'alliq baatein karney per uksaaein aur ubharein. Unn kay pasandeeda mozouaat per baat karein aisey mozouaat jin mein unko khaas dilchaspi ho yani unki dilchaspi ki baatein karein.
                               Apni saas susar mein ahmiyat ka ehsaas paeda karein insaani fitrat ki sab sey bunyaadi khwahish apni zaat ko ahmiyat dena hai insaani fitrat ka sab sey gehra usool tehseen-o-ta'areef ki khwahish hai doosron kay sath wahi sulook karein jaisey sulook ki aap unn sey tawaqqa karti hain. Ji bhar kar unn ko daad dein dil khol kar ta'areef karein har shakhs apney aap ko bara bulkay bohut bara tasawwur karta hai har insaan mein kuch khoobiyan zaroor hoti hain unn kay ander unn khoobiyon ko talash karein phir eemaan daari kay sath jii bhar kar unki ta'areef karein, khuley aam daad dein logon kay samney ta'areef teen guna zyada mu'asser hoti hai. Humesha saas susar kay saamney unki zaat kay baarey mein guftugoo karein woh ghanton musalsal aap ki baatein sunein gi chuna'ncha unn ko ehmiyat ka ehsaas dilaein, dil sey unn ki ta'areef karein agar aap inn baton per amal karein gi to aap apney susraal mein sab sey pasandeeda shakhsiyat hongi.
Mard bunyaadi tor per aurat kay husn ka matwala hota hai ta'hum agar biwi bohut haseen hai magar uss kay sath bud khoo, nuk charhi, ehsaas-e-bartari ka shikaar, bud tameez, jhagralu hai to jald hi mian na sirf uss sey bey zaar ho jaey ga bulkay nafrat karney lagey ga.  Aurat ka asal husn uska ikhlaaq hai jis mein har roz izafa hota hai doosri taraf jismaani husn har roz maand parrta hai.
Khushgawar gharelu zindagi kay liye zaroori hai kay biwi apney gharelu masa'el aur jhagron ka zikr apney maekey mein na karey. Inn masa'el kay hal kay liye apney walaeden ko shamil na karey maekay kay shamil honey sey masa'el hull honey ko bajaey mazeed ulajh jatey hain. Le'haza masa'el ko apney aap tak mehdood rakhein mian kay sath mil kar unko hull karney ki koshish karein ta'hum intihaee surton mein donon khandaanon kay samajh daar afraad ko shamil kya ja sakta hai.
Biwi khawand ki kisi khaami ka mazaq na uraaey, usey sharamsaar aur barhum na karey ek baat ko bar bar na duhraey, inn sab cheezon sey haalaat humesha kharab hotey hain.
Chu'nkay fitri tor per mardon kay jazbaat ba zarya basaarat mushta'el hotey hain le'haza woh har khoobsurat cheez ko dekh kar uski taraf mutawajjah ho jatey hain aur usey tajassus ki nigaah sey dekhtey hain isi tarah agar usey koi khoobsurat aurat nazar aaey gi to woh usey tajassus ki nigaah sey dekhey ga (islam mein mardon ko nigaah neechi rakhney ka hukum hai) amooman biwiyan iss cheez per hungama khara kar deti hain. Isey woh apni tauheen samajhti hain aur khawand ko bura khayal karti hain hala'n kay yeh aksar auqaat tajassus ki nigah hoti hai na kay buri, le'haza iss silsiley mein biwiyon ko surf-e-nazar karna chahiyie na kay tu takaar aur hungama aaraee.
Apney khawand kay samney kisi doosrey mard aur aurat ki khusoosan unn kay husn ki ta'areef na karein yeh amal mian biwi kay ta'alluqaat ko kharab karney ki ek ahem wajah hai.
Islam mein aulaad ko hukum diya gaya hai kay woh apney waleaden sey behetreen sulook karein. Irshaad-e-Baari Ta'ala hai "Maan baap kay sath ehsaan kya karo" (Al Inaam - 152) doosri jagah irshaad hai "Maan baap kay sath husn-e-sulook kya karo agar terey paas inn mein sey ek ya donon burhapey ko pohonch jaein so inko kabhi uff bhi mutt kehna aur na unko jhirakna unn sey khoob adab sey baat karna aur unn kay saamney aajizi aur inkisari kay sath jhukey rehna aur yun duaa kartey rehna kay aey merey parwardigaar inn donon per rehmat farmayie jaisa kay mohabbat sey unhon ney mujh ko bachpan mein paala". (Baniisraeel – 22,23)
ALLAH kay nabi ka irshaad hai kay Maan baap ko sataney waley ko ALLAH Ta'ala isi dunya mein saza detey hain. Doosri jagah Huzoor ney farmaya kay barey barey gunaah yeh hain.
ALLAH Ta'ala kay sath shareek karna
Maan baap ki nafarmani karna
Kisi jaan ko qatal karna
Jhoot bolna
Chuna'ncha shirk kay ba'ad sab sey bara gunaah walaeden ki nafarmaani hai. (muslim) ta'hum inn ki wajah sey bhi Khuda ki nafarmani kisi bhi surat mein ja'ez nahin. Ek sahaabi ney Huzoor sey arz kya Ya Rasool Allah walaeden kay aulaad per kya huq hain? Aap ney farmaya kay woh donon teri jannat aur jahannum hain. (ibn-e-maja) yani agar fard unki ta bedaari karey ga to jannat mein jaey ga aur naa farmani karey ga aur unko dukh dega to dozakh thikana baney gi.  Le'haza biwi ko chahiyie kay woh apney khawand ko dunya aur aakhirat kay azaab sey bachaey lekin agar khawand biwi ki wajah sey walaeden sey bura sulook karta hai to phir biwi bhi mian kay gunaah mein baraber ki shareek hogi aur jahannum ka aendhan bahey gi. Khawand ki ma'amooli ghaltiyon aur kotahiyon sey darguzar karein ma'amooli baton per ghussey aur naraazgi ka izhar na karein maslan mian geela toliya bathroom mein chor aata hai ya apney kaprey ikatthey nahin karta naeki samajh kar yeh kaam khud kar lein aur sath hi sochein kay woh aap kay liye kya kuch kar raha hai. Har insaan khoobiyon aur khamiyon ka majmoo'aa hota hai agar aap apney mian ki kisi ghalti, kotaahi ya kamzori waghaera sey aagaah hain to iss bunyaad per usey la'an, ta'an aur sharminda na karein iss sey na sirf ta'alluqaat kharab hotey hain bulkay la'an, ta'an karney wala fard Allah Ta'ala ko sukht naa pasand hai. Kabhi bhi mian ki baat ka ghalat matlab na nikalein uss sey husn e zan rakhein, agar shak ho to mian sey sukoon sey poochein kay fula'n baat sey uska kya matlab tha.


Gharelu jhagron ki ek bari wajah doosrey ki baat sey ghalat mafhoom aur matlab nikalna hai doosrey fard kay saan o gumaan mein bhi nahin hota. Agar mian ki koi cheez aap ko disturb kar rahi hai to usey nazar andaz na karein bulkay pehli pursukoon fursat mein uss sey achey andaaz mein baat karein, tanqeed na karein, uss kay sath discuss karein aur achey andaaz sey hal karney ki koshish karein. Humarey haan mardon ki azeem aksaryat private sector mein kaam karti hai ya to woh kisi private idaarey mein kaam kartey hain ya phir apna kaam kartey hain.  In donon surton mein unhein aam logon sey zyada kaam karna parta hai kaam kay ikhtitaam per jab woh gharon ko lottey hain to woh zehni aur jismaani tor per thak kar choor ho chukey hotey hain. Iss surat mein unhein ghanta, derh ghanta tanhaee mein aaraam ki zaroorat hoti hai ta'kay woh family ko waqt deney, gharelu masa'el sunney aur hull karney kay liye taaza dum ho sakein le'haza aap ko chahiyie kay kaam sey wapsi per mian ko kuch der aaraam karney dein ta'kay woh fresh ho sakey aur aap ki batein zyada tawajjah kay sath sunn sakey.  Ta'hum khawateen sey darkhwast hai kay apney tajurbaat ki roshni mein humein bataein kay gharelu zindagi ko khushgawar bananey kay liye khawand ko kya karna chahiyie. Shaadi sey pehley khawand apney doston ki sohbat sey lutfandoz hota hai shaadi kay ba'ad bhi woh inki sohbat mein waqt guzarna chahta hai iss sey usey sukoon milta hai aap iss ka bura na manaein, rukawat na daalein, khawand ko doston ki sohbat sey lutfandoz honay ka moqa dey kar relax honey dein woh relax hoga to aap ko zyada tawajjuh dey sakey ga.
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